Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
I. So it comes to this: pangea tearing itself raw
from our throats to pour into squares of newly open sky
where the stars grew aches and darkened lakewater
once bloomed into bruised winters. Somewhere
beyond the thick of snow, prayers are strung
on moon-rattled winds
and birds' teeth tear apart the poetry
of our hands. They will raise something beautiful
from these ruined words.

Continents shift slowly. They are
dirt-bound titans, these beasts;
rootless giants that mold themselves
to fit the vision we hold inside our heads. Oceans sigh
and their tides crawl ever upward.

II. Our shadows become umbilical
in certain light. Unknown children cast
dark shapes of water
to nourish the gardens springing forth
from the dirt's wrist like a eulogy for lost sky.
Morning doves sing because they see what we cannot:
the years between us laid out like miles and our feet
that never mark the reddened earth and
the passion-trees birthing flowers of such cold, untamed souls.

We are walking in the wombs of stars. Here our soft-spoken dreams
turn stillborn, unmoving as the winter sun's spokes, unholy
as moonless night. You will find their ashes
in the form of lovers, back touching naked back.

III. A rainstorm grows in violent blossom. Its water does not fall
but tumbles, an endless stream of fists
tearing away clusters of scabbing clouds and battering
tender-eyed dawn. The horizon is a fresh wound
which cleaves the world in two, fraying at the edges
and unhinged like bald-faced craniums. Swollen moons

slip through the cracks to bathe forests
with handfuls of pale and sickly light. We become divine
in this darkness, even without wing or garb
or golden flame to illuminate the road. I do not turn
to sky to pray
when our feet become black with walking-- your words
are the only god I need.
A very last-minute prompt fill for #transliterations. OTL This procrastination thing, it is taking over my life.

The prompt was this lovely triptych:

We were supposed to "translate" the effect of the painting into writing, so I kind of failed at that. Like. How did I even go off on this tangent? But hey, I'm kind of proud of this piece. All's well that ends well, I suppose. :3

Comment, please?

Questions:

:bulletblue: Do the sections feel connected, or are they too disjointed?
:bulletblue: How effective are the descriptions?
:bulletblue: After you saw the triptych, did you see the poem differently? Or if you saw the triptych first, do you now see the painting differently?

EDIT: GUYS GUYS A DD, WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE. :excited: :faint: How did this happen. Holy crap, I love you all. :heart: Beccalicious and Halatia, you are freaking awesome. Thank you so, so much to everyone who faved this. I'm sorry I can't respond to all of you personally. <3
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2011-02-23
Suggester's Words: At just 15 years old, CyneNoirshows us pure potential that shouldn't be ignored. When God Sleeps. is just one highlight from her gallery. ( Suggested by BeccaJS and Featured by Halatia )
:iconsciencevsart:
sciencevsart Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh my...
Words.... fail me.

You are a mastersmith. If words were weapons, you would be Hephaestus.

:iconloveloveplz:
Reply
:iconsuccesswithhonor:
successwithhonor Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2011  Student Writer
you're 15?! that makes this piece all the more impressive. beautiful imagery, absolutely amazing work.
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2011
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article that can be found here [link]
Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.

Keep writing and keep creating.
Reply
:iconcloud-of-stars:
Cloud-of-stars Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2011
really, really, really beautiful writing :heart:
Reply
:iconpaper-saints:
paper-saints Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2011
Haha, I'm not so great at constructive comments, but here goes:

I think it can be very difficult to translate a picture into words sometimes. Or I find it very tricky, anyway! The sections are disjointed, but in all fairness - I kind of feel that's how they're best suited. Your descriptions are pretty abstract, but I was interesed all the way through even though I'm not so good at following poetic language.

This is really.. hah, I don't know quite how to say it - but I like it. It feels pretty special. Yep, that's all I can think to say. Just try your best to keep writing, you've a real talent!
Reply
:iconcynenoir:
CyneNoir Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much for the lovely comment! :blush: I'm glad you like it.
Reply
:iconnemonus:
Nemonus Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2011
This is wonderful: a real meeting of science a poetry.

"Our shadows become umbilical" and "So it comes to this: pangea" are lines I wish I'd written.
Reply
:iconcynenoir:
CyneNoir Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! I quite liked those lines myself.
Reply
:iconlosingmyfaith:
losingmyfaith Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2011  Student Writer
This is beyond beautiful. I love it!
Reply
:iconcynenoir:
CyneNoir Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for the lovely comment!
Reply
:iconlosingmyfaith:
losingmyfaith Featured By Owner Jul 11, 2011  Student Writer
You're most welcome, dear! (:
Reply
:iconterraqueous87:
Terraqueous87 Featured By Owner May 24, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Well congratulations! This is honestly my favorite of yours. :D
Reply
:iconcynenoir:
CyneNoir Featured By Owner May 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Aw, thank you! c: For the fave as well.
Reply
:iconterraqueous87:
Terraqueous87 Featured By Owner May 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
You deserved it.
Reply
:iconteenyxtinyxtina:
teenyxtinyxtina Featured By Owner May 7, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
The title is quite fitting. This is amazing. :heart:
Reply
:iconcynenoir:
CyneNoir Featured By Owner May 11, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Aww, thank you. c: I'm glad you like it.
Reply
:iconlonealphawolf:
lonealphawolf Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2011
Your work is really awesome dear. (It makes me wonder if I'd ever write as well as you do when I'm fifteen...) Keep up the good work :)

You're really really an inspiration :D
Reply
:iconurban-lingo:
urban-lingo Featured By Owner Mar 25, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
:heart: my favorite.
Reply
:iconcynenoir:
CyneNoir Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
<3
Reply
:icontalimark14:
talimark14 Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2011
Wow... this is amazing. I'm speechless. I was really surprised when I found out how old you are, because you write like you're so much older (which is good). You are super super talented, and I haven't met many teenagers who can write like you do. Keep writing, because your writing is absolutely fantastic.
Reply
:iconcynenoir:
CyneNoir Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much! <3 I'm flattered.
Reply
:iconinklingart:
InklingArt Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2011  Student Writer
Every time I read your poetry, I have this ethereal and powerful feeling that also makes me feel a little hopeless, like I'm looking up at the stars and planets that hide in space. I don't know. It took me a while to find the words that described exactly what I felt. I'm not sure what it means, though any way you look at it, your poetry moves me.
Reply
:iconcynenoir:
CyneNoir Featured By Owner Mar 27, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
:blush: Thank you so much for the lovely compliment. <3 Knowing my poetry can move someone is really a wonderful thing to hear.
Reply
:iconinklingart:
InklingArt Featured By Owner Mar 28, 2011  Student Writer
:hug:
Reply
:iconallyestarrystarfish:
allyestarrystarfish Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2011  Student General Artist
thisss
is pretty much perfect.

i can't help but feel that poetry like yours will replace the poems that are now standards in our schools, like homer and shakespeare and langston hughes and all those folks, in the future.
just. beautiful.
Reply
:iconcynenoir:
CyneNoir Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Ahh, thank you so much. <33 I'm flattered. And thank you for the fave as well. :]
Reply
:iconallyestarrystarfish:
allyestarrystarfish Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2011  Student General Artist
it's quite true ^^.
yup, deserveddd.

on another note, how did you find me...?
Reply
:iconabstractghost:
AbstractGhost Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2011
wow that was amazing, wish i had a bigger vocab to describe this beautiful piece of work
Reply
:iconcynenoir:
CyneNoir Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much for the lovely comment. <3
Reply
:iconcajra:
cajra Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2011  Professional Writer
i quite believe this is some of the best poetry on DA. congrats to you :)
Reply
:iconcynenoir:
CyneNoir Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Oh wow, I'm flattered. :blush: Thank you so much for the kind words and watch.
Reply
:iconcajra:
cajra Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2011  Professional Writer
hehe, you're very welcome :heart:
Reply
:iconnoelab1:
Noelab1 Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2011
awesome. you have an amazing talent for poetry. everthing flows together so perfectly and the wording...i'm teary eyed...
Reply
:iconcynenoir:
CyneNoir Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :]
Reply
:iconscarletbird:
scarletbird Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2011  Student Writer
Beautiful, just beautiful. :heart: I love the massive scope you take the poem into, with gods and pangea and titans, but it still has this personal, relatable touch. Ah, and that third section...

Its water does not fall
but tumbles, an endless stream of fists
tearing away clusters of scabbing clouds and battering
tender-eyed dawn.


...simply gorgeous.
Reply
:iconcynenoir:
CyneNoir Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so, so much! :heart: I'm glad you liked it. And thank you for the watch as well. :hug:
Reply
:iconscarletbird:
scarletbird Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2011  Student Writer
You're very welcome! :)
Reply
:iconwolfhuntsmoon:
Wolfhuntsmoon Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2011
Absolutely amazing! Well worthy of a DD, so congrats :)
Reply
:iconcynenoir:
CyneNoir Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :] I'm glad you liked it. And thank you for the watch as well. :heart:
Reply
:iconwolfhuntsmoon:
Wolfhuntsmoon Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2011
You're welcome.
Reply
:iconcalaetmornie:
CalaEtMornie Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Wordsworth!
Reply
:iconcynenoir:
CyneNoir Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, I'm flattered that you think so. <3
Reply
:iconlololley:
LolOlley Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2011  Student General Artist
I am in absolute love with this. It's so raw and powerful and beautiful, it's made of glass and I don't want to touch it too much because it would become too familiar. <3
Reply
:iconcynenoir:
CyneNoir Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, this is such a beautiful comment. :heart: Thank you, dear, for that and the watch. :hug: I really appreciate it.
Reply
:iconmezzanineminotaur:
mezzanineMinotaur Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2011  Student General Artist
Definitely gotta read this about 20 times in a row.
Keep up the good work!
Reply
:iconcynenoir:
CyneNoir Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much! :]
Reply
:icondespicableus:
DespicableUs Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2011
That's absolutely incredible. I love it. <3 Congrats on the DD, btw!
Reply
:iconcynenoir:
CyneNoir Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much! :aww: And thank you for the fave and watch as well.
Reply
:icondespicableus:
DespicableUs Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2011
welcome! and you deserve it <3 you're epic.
Reply
:iconxxotakuchanxx:
xXOtakuChanXx Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
Absolutley phenomenal. It strikes a really deep chord, and that chord RESONATES. I adore this poem
I envy you, you write so well. My poetry comes out more whiney than meaningful. :crying:
Congratulations on the DD, you great poet, you! *clap clap clap clap*
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconcynenoir: More from CyneNoir


Featured in Collections

Literature by Tinuviels-song

Literature by winehaus

Poetry by ijabberjay


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
February 1, 2011
File Size
2.1 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
5,784
Favourites
271 (who?)
Comments
109
×